2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
You know, be my cock's hype man.
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
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