Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
