Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
Randomize
