Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
