i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
Randomize
