I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
