i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
Randomize
