so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
Randomize
