Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
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