matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
im having a threesome with these popsicles
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
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