You're my favorite asian/girl I've met here.
You're ridiculous
Your hot
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
