you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
I am one with the molecules
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
Randomize
