BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
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