I'll bet she douches with gravy.
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
Randomize
