You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Randomize
