THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
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