just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Randomize
