They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
office poll is still running 100% that Spencer Pratt is more disturbing than David Carradine's death
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
