Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Randomize
