She looked like Sean Connery with cleft lip. So to answer your question, yes I put it in her butt.
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
Randomize
