we have officially lost it.
anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
So my game is weak??
If your game is "Lets have sex, and maybe pizza" then yes.
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
Randomize
