i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
Randomize
