it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
Randomize
