i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
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