I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
Randomize
