i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
Randomize
