i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
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