You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
Randomize
