its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
Randomize
