I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
Can you repeat that, but with context?
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
Randomize
