In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
Randomize
