fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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