I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
Randomize
