i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
Randomize
