If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
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