What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
My liver just had a heart attack.
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
Randomize
