After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
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