It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
Randomize
