im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
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