I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
Randomize
