Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
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