Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
Randomize
