that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Randomize
