please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
Randomize
