Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
I'd cum for enchiladas.
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
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