i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
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