Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
Randomize
