Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
Randomize
