I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
He uses pillows to masturbate.
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
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