I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
Randomize
