I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
Randomize
