How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
I need water and some morals
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
Randomize
