Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
His nipple licking is glorious
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