I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
Randomize
